Lifewaza

Day 2

2011-10-13T21:56:00.001-04:00

Today I am thankful for:

1. My little monster Miles is home from the vet! One canine tooth less, 5 stitches more, and possible face cancer (lets keep our fingers crossed, my friends!) Here he is, five minutes after coming home (you should have heard the SCREAMING at the vet...I was like "Is that MY kitty?") God, I love that little tail wag thing he does everytime I say his name:

2. Speaking of the "Big C," I happen to NOT have cancer. Yay me!

3. Roasted chicken from Jean Talon Market, bought on a whim on my way home, just as they were closing shop for the evening. Warm bag in my hands as I crunch home through the leaves.

4. Film cameras

5. A randomly gifted book from a lovely soul at the yoga studio.

6. The Norwegian poutine at Cafe Ellefssen. With an impeccable dinner date (:

7. Seeing some progress in my Urdhva Danurasana (Wheel pose). Finally! This shit is hard!

8. Hot water bottles on sore bits. Especially these bottles.

9. Getting compliments on my new favorite hairstyle.

10. A big, poufy, comfy bed with a good book.

A year of Gratitude: Day 1

2011-10-11T13:00:00.001-04:00

Things I am thankful for today:

1. Picnics in the park with my man on this Indian Summer Canadian-Thanksgiving weekend. Turkey sandwich on fresh baguette, mango slices, potato chips and pickles. Sparkling water, cuddling and ants. Perfectly lovely in every way.

2. Crunchy leaves underfoot.

3. The spice of fall tickling my nose.

4. Buckwheat porridge with nectarine, sesame seeds, cashews, maple syrup and milk. Best if eaten on the balcony in your PJs. Just saying.

5. Meditation helper

6. Fidelity Jeans (bought on discount!). Seriously the most comfortable pair of pants I have ever owned. I want to sleep in them, even.

7. Nutmeg and Honey Ice cream via Seven Spoons. The best ice cream I have made, to-date.

8. Mad Men

9. Foaming milk using my immersion blender.

10. My grandma is doing awesome after her knee surgery!

Five Things

2010-08-02T15:25:00.002-04:00

I wrote one of these posts a while back, and I thought that if I say organized enough, these lists can make a regular appearance here and maybe I can try to do one every week (though lets just start slowly, dear, and not bury ourselves in expectations, shall we?). I am all for adding more gratitude into my life. So, with that in mind, here are the five things that rocked my world this week:

1. My daily bike ride over the mountain. It takes me twice as long to get to work this way, but it doesn't matter. This is the part of my day I look forward to most. Lately I have been trying to use this as an awareness training, a way to stay in the present moment and ditch the over-analyzing for a while. Every day last week I was focused on sound...what do I hear when I am riding? My heartbeat. The birds. The cicadas. People talking. Dog tags tinkling. The crunch of tire on dirt. The wind across my ears and my breath filling the spaces. So noisy and beautiful...

2. Making pickles with Teri on a Saturday afternoon after munching on eggs and toast and salt potatoes. Gotta love friends who love food as much as I do.

3. Watching Repercussion Theater's rendition of Romeo and Juliet in Mount Royal Cemetery on a large blanket with a bunch of friends, a tourte provencale, baguette, great cheese, Cheskie's and some red wine. I didn't even mind the mosquito bites on my hands.

4. Seeing friends that I have not seen for ages and having that great feeling that we can just pick up right where we left off.

5. Inception. I really dug it.

How is life treating you lately?

Thoughts about Isaac

2010-07-09T13:11:00.001-04:00

Issac was handsome, rock-climber, outdoorsy-type boy who went to my High School. He had a red Volvo and a labret piercing and a big, kind heart. Isaac was a Taurus.

Issac and I started hanging out in my second year of college, just after my first awkward (and messy) college relationship and my brief flirtation with mind-altering substances. I felt a little bit lost then, trying to figure out who the girl was that I wanted to be, and Issac gently worked his way into my life, helping me feel more like myself than I had in a long time. He taught me how to rock climb and cuddled with me on the couch; He showed up to my house some evenings just to say hello, without expectation or warning. Isaac made me feel safe, comfortable and taken care of, and he was handsome.

Slowly Issac and I fell into some sort of domestic routine. He worked at Mogul Mouse by day, selling snowboards and goggles and wax while I went to school, hovering over petri dishes and test tubes and big, heavy books. Each evening, exhausted, I would make my way home to start my homework and figure out something to eat. Sometime around 6 or 7 p.m. he would show up at my house, again unannounced, and I would feed him dinner if he hadn't eaten, trade stories from the day with him while we cuddled on the couch, only to fall asleep shortly thereafter. This happened every single day for a month or two, he would work and I would go to class and we would re converge later in the evening. I never asked him to come over or even stay, he just decided to on his own. I felt blessed to have him in my life.

One evening, without warning, I found myself alone; Issac had not showed up. He was never obligated to come to my place, but I had been so used to our routine that I started to worry. I figured a simple phone call would clarify and I could go about my evening in peace, but when I called he did not answer. I waited for a while, and still no call and no Isaac. I wrestled with my own conscious; do I call him again or just wait for him to return mine? Was everything ok? Why do I feel so horrible?! My young heart felt worried and rejected and confused. I called again. Still no answer. A few minutes later, I called again. And then again. And again. I felt frustrated that I was acting needy, that I was being "that girl" that calls a million times because she needs to know right now what is going on. But I *did* need to know, and so I kept calling.

At some point around 1 in the morning, Issac must have turned his phone off, because my calls started going straight to voicemail. I felt horrible, not only because I did not know why he suddenly disappeared without a trace, but also for allowing myself to obsessively call him like a complete psycho. Older me would have just given him some space, knowing that we would catch up when he was ready, but younger me hadn't learned that lesson yet. I went to bed and cried hot, angry tears. Needless to say I didn't sleep much that night.

I struggled through my classes the next day. I had hoped to hear from Isaac in the morning, explaining that he had lost his phone or that he got caught up with family or something. Instead, there was nothing. No explanatory phone call, no email, no note, no Isaac. My heart sank. I waited until late in the evening to try phoning again, the dread in my stomach creeping up into my throat as I punched in the numbers. To my surprise, he answered on the second ring.

I asked him what had happened, trying (and failing) to conceal the hurt and anger in my voice.
He told me that he had been hanging out with friends.
I asked why he couldn't simply pick up the phone to tell me he wasn't going to be there.
He told me he didn't think it was a problem.
I told him I had been worried and hurt that he didn't call.
He told me that he shouldn't have to call me every time he chose to do something different.
I told him I felt disrespected.
He told me that that was my problem.

"Then don't bother calling me until you decide to have a REAL relationship," I screamed, slamming down the phone. It was the only time I have ever hung up on anyone. It certainly didn't make me feel any better. Looking back now I realize how young, emotional and inexperienced at relationships I was; I was just a kid who was needy for love. I really wish I had handled things differently.

I didn't really see or hear from Isaac again after that, save the random sighting around town once or twice. I always wondered what happened, if I had said or done something wrong and the crazy calling was just the final act that pushed him over the edge. He was literally in my life one day and out the next and the abrupt manner of it all was maddening. I had always hoped that I would meet Isaac again as an adult so that we could have the closure conversation and perhaps salvage a friendship from the whole wreck. In my mind I pictured us awkwardly bumping into one another at some function, forced into small talk for a while before sheepishly admitting how silly the whole thing was. We would end up getting a beer and appreciating each other as having grown from this whole experience. In my head, that was how it was supposed to go. It won't ever turn out that way, though.

Isaac is dead now.

I only found out about it a year after the fact. I had been home on vacation, catching up with some mutual friends of ours. I asked them about him, about how he was doing. The stunned looks and awkward silence that blanketed the space between us told me everything. They were shocked that no one had called me.

Isaac had gone into the Air Force about a year after I slammed the phone down on him. I guess he was riding his motorcycle to the base one morning, really early, around 5 a.m. He had been speeding, and when the police tried to pull him over, he sped up instead of stopping. No one knows why he was being evasive, but somehow he lost control of his bike, hit a ditch and crashed head first into a tree. He died instantly.

I was sad to hear that Isaac was gone, and it was difficult for me to comprehend. It was my first experience losing someone with whom I had shared a piece of my life and it was strange for me that the thread of our interactions would cease. I would never have closure. I would never know what he had been thinking or feeling that day. I would never get the chance to apologize for being psycho calling girl. Issac was gone.

I am bringing this up only now because he has been on my mind lately. I do not mean to trivialize his death; I was obviously a small, barely significant blip in the grand scheme of his life, and there are others like his family and close friends that I am sure miss him dearly. I have just been thinking about what this whole experience has meant to me and needed to express it somehow. I know know why it is so important to treat others with kindness and understanding and to mend fences when broken; the person might not be around tomorrow. It has also taught me, though, that I will constantly have room to grow and that I must forgive myself for doing or saying things that I am not proud of. Sometimes we will never get closure, and we just need to accept that fact.

I hope Isaac was in a good place when he died. He loved working with his hands, and I like to think it brought him joy working with planes every day. I hope his family has found peace after loosing one of their own; something that is never easy. And I am thankful for the short but rich time that we spent together; he will forever hold a place in my heart.

Give Thanks and Show Gratitude.

2010-06-14T09:32:00.001-04:00

"You should never be trapped by the idea that you have problems, that you are a person of deep karma or that you are one of little value. This is insulting not only to yourself but to others as well. All people share the same divine origin. There is only one thing that is wrong or useless. That is the stubborn insistence that you are an individual, separate from others. Give thanks and show gratitude. Work for paradise on this earth. In this way, your true nature will continually unfold."

-Morihei Ueshiba

Welcome back.

2010-06-11T17:17:00.000-04:00

See those feet down there, a little bit beyond the end of this post? You know, the ones that are slightly dirty and shot from a funny angle; my silly, beautiful, hard-working feet? Why, of course you have seen them--they have been there for for nearly a year now. ONE YEAR! You must have tired of looking at them, even if they ARE pretty feet. I know that I did, secretly hoping every time I dropped by for a peek that I would see something, ANYTHING but those toes stolidly standing their ground. But my dear, that would actually require you to POST something, wouldn't it?

My, where did the time go?

If there were more than five of you who actually read my blog, an apology would be in order; I did not intend to keep silent for such a long time (and I know you were all just distraught, clinging to the edge of your seat for the next installment of my life saga)*. Really, I am sorry I didn't tell you about my trip to Prince Edward Island (sunny, sandy, quaint and beautiful), my new job (perfect for now, even if it IS a science job), or my new home (cozy, warm, full of love). I'm sorry I didn't show you pictures of summer adventures, fall colors, the first snowfall of the year (though you can see some of that stuff on my Flickr page). Spring was pretty awesome, even if my first trip out of North America started kind of late; and summer? I am rocking it already. But, this is MY blog, and nobody really reads it anyway so I am not going to apologize. Deal with it.

That being said, I am sure many of you know (or have guessed) by now, that all of this silence business I am dancing around wasn't because I rocked out for a week on an island with no internet or because I shimmied back into the world of pipettes and PCR machines. My tongue wasn't tied because I was busy creating delicious treats in my new kitchen, or because I was having a beer on the terrasse . To tell you the truth, I was silent because, well, TWO THOUSAND NINE FUCKING SUCKED. True story, in the totally kicked-down, dragged-out sense. Broken. Beaten. Struggling for air. I will not regale you with the details, but suffice it to say I was feeling less than chatty. I was feeling ANTI-chatty actually. No offense, but who wants to air that on their blog?**

Thats done now, though. Thank god.

So with that, I thought I would start slow, and post one of my favorite pictures from my trip to France. I really had the best time. I rode bikes around Paris, ate macarons from Pierre Herme while sipping Perrier on a terrasse. I stayed with lovely friends who took care of me in every way, showing me prehistoric cave paintings, crazy castle citadels, and the most beautiful little villages I have ever seen. I ate the most sublime meals and drank a ton of wine and met some of the kindest people in the world. I came away feeling truly blessed (okay, and a little bit bloated). I can't wait to go back.

So, hi. Hopefully I will be back more often, though don't blame me if I am not. Sometimes I find it better to life my life in the real world rather than reenact it here for you. But I do my best. Life is a practice, after all.

*That would be sarcasm, for any of you dry, narrow or German friends of mine.

**Even if there really ARE only 5 people reading.

They work hard for me.

2009-07-28T14:00:00.003-04:00

My feet work hard. As an Aikidoka and a woman without a car, these babies put up with a lot. Sometimes I forget how thankful I am to have a good, healthy body.

But it is not my feet that are working hard these days. My heart, my mind and my spirit have been putting in overtime, it seems. Explosive growth, yes. I am expanding to fill the spaces of the woman that I have always dreamed of being, and in fact, know that I am. She is there, unfurling new tendrils, little by little, stretching toward the light. I can feel it. It is there, just on the horizon...

Faith is forward motion.

2009-07-20T13:33:00.001-04:00

Thank you, Jen for passing this along.

A trip I took.

2009-06-26T09:56:00.002-04:00

To see more, go here.

In Response to...

2009-06-05T13:18:00.003-04:00

This post:

Five things that have made me wag my tail in the past 24 hours:

1. Meeting a friend whom I have not seen in 10 years. (How is 10 years even possible? How does it go by so fast?) She is every bit as confident, lovely, kind and radiant as I remember her. Oh, how proud I am of you, Amber. You go girl.

2. After a week of rain, the sun is out again. Montreal is every bit as lovely in the spring as they say it is. I feel drunk off the sun, the flowers, the magic...I just want to hop on my bike and ride and ride and ride...

3. A sugar cone, two scoops: the first, strawberry-black pepper. The second, mango masai. Party in my mouth. Even better? Sharing with a friend (cassis, masala chai). Seriously, folks, Havre aux glaces could make (or ruin) my summer.

4. Being complimented that I have marked improvement in my ukemi (the "receiving" end of Aikido). I have been working very hard on this, and sometimes it is hard for me to see that it is paying off. Class last night was really, really fun.

5. A lovely walk home from the dojo with my favorite person in the whole world, stopping to pick up goodies for snacking and running into an impromptu block party. I was having such a good time, in fact, that I forgot that I had my bike with me and accidentally left it at the store. Luckily, it was still locked up there this morning...

What is making you happy these days?

16 Mai 2009

2009-05-16T15:14:00.002-04:00

5 things that make me happy (for this rainy thursday).

2009-05-14T16:09:00.002-04:00

1. The penetrating scent of caramel, caffeine and smoke that descends on my neighborhood most afternoons around 1 p.m. when Santropol is roasting coffee. It almost makes me fall off my bike.

2. Speaking of bikes...Lovely, lovely spring weather + zippy red bike + Montreal's kick-ass bike lanes = yes. I bike to school, to the market, to the dojo, to just about anywhere. I heart Montreal.

3. Kitty face pressed against the glass in the front door in anticipation of my home coming. It is particularly cute when it is Rosie's face, but hey, I won't discriminate against the Miles either. Trust me, this one melts my heart.

4. Fiddleheads, morels, asparagus at the market. That spring that the rest of you have been talking about for months now? Its here. (Finally). We may start late, but we come out kicking.

5. Being able to order at a restaurant or function at the market in French without seizing into one terrified, tongue-tied mess of an anglophone. Merci to the YMCA for helping a sista out. Why did I wait so long?

I didn't really NEED to stop at 5, but I have been seeing these cute little "pick-me-up" happiness lists on various blogs lately and just had to get in on all the fun. Want to tell me what makes you happy right now?

The way home.

2009-05-14T16:07:00.000-04:00

Grey/Pink.

2009-05-14T16:06:00.000-04:00

Be careful with it. (It is fragile.)

2009-05-14T16:04:00.001-04:00

Where have I been?

2009-04-30T16:42:00.002-04:00

Slowly but surely warming my bones.
Baking. A lot. Cupcakes out my ears.
Falling asleep early at my own birthday party.
Riding my bike all over this town.
Apprendre le Francais. (and not being able to type the cedille or accent marks)
Hurting a bit.
Laughing a bit.
Crying a bit.
Connecting with that wise woman that lives somewhere between my prefrontal cortex and my limbic brain.
Making new friends.
Re-connecting with old ones.
Montreal Dinner Party.
Naps.
Flipping around the mat like nobody's business.
Being in a state of perpetual kitchen-cleaning (see above).
Drinking beer.
Watching the market explode with new produce.
(Gingerly) taking photos again.
Feeling a lack of motivation half the days, and half of those, giving in to the urge to do nothing, the other half, kicking my butt into gear and just getting over it.
Being centered when I thought I could not possibly be.
Losing it when I really didn't want to.
Doing yoga, but not enough.
Taking advantage of my steam shower before it gets too hot to use it.
Breaking out the sandals and skirts, then abruptly putting them away again.
Missing my parents.
Rocking out.

Whoa There!

2009-03-18T19:42:00.002-04:00

Hey Spring! Nice to see you! It has been a while...

Lots of lovely things going on around here besides the break in the weather. After some much needed physical/mental spring cleaning (did I tell you that I FASTED?) the creative juices are flowing, and I am embarking on a new project. I have failed before, but not this time. So, if you are hungry, bored or just plain interested, by all means, go take a peek.

Color.

2009-02-22T20:50:00.002-05:00

Five kinds of cupcake (A bakesale in 5 acts)

2009-02-09T20:30:00.002-05:00

Five kinds of cupcake
Four hours of baking*
Three trips to the car
Two bucks each
One dozen left
(alternatively)
One successful bake-sale
(alternatively)
One hundred thirty cupcakes sold
(alternatively)
One happy girl

*Really, four hours is a gross underestimate and was used only to flow well with the rest of the post. It was really something like 8 or 9 hours all told, with making frosting and decorating the cupcakes. But whats a few hours here or there?

Cast of Characters:

Strawberry-filled vanilla
Mexican Chocolate
Coconut
Chocolate raspberry
Lemon
Erica, Ninja/Baker
Gabe, patient transporter/cupcake tester
Karl, car lender/ninja-skill teacher
Patrick, cupcake connoisseur
Trixie and Kate, cupcake peddler extraordinaires
good people of Montreal, willing cupcake consumers

Petite Laure Lou

2009-02-05T11:38:00.001-05:00

Sensei, Sensei and Gabe.

2009-02-05T11:36:00.001-05:00

Monkey Face

2009-02-05T11:35:00.001-05:00

Making.

2009-02-05T11:34:00.001-05:00

Blue Orange

2009-02-05T11:33:00.002-05:00

Ready for Lunch

2009-02-05T11:29:00.001-05:00

...and damn, was it good. (didn't notice the spoon was dirty until I uploaded the pics onto my computer. What does't kill us...)

And She Fights for Her Life...

2009-02-04T10:59:00.002-05:00

Found this today, courtesy of the lovely Jen Lemen. Not only a beautiful, creative, amazing video, but also a lovely song.

Goodbye 2008, and thank you. A Reflection

2009-01-10T22:56:00.002-05:00

I have never been very good with reflection, at least not in a public way. The task of looking back over an event or a year or a lifetime somehow seems too large for me to articulate in a clear way, even to myself. Sometimes it is easier for me just to let things go. And, while there is something to be said for living in the moment, I think it is important to reflect on the past once in a while, to measure how far we have come and to keep track of where we would still like to go.

Wow, 2008. You sure were a dynamic year for me. While I rode your waves as often gracefully and with poise as I did awkwardly and with struggle, I am so thankful for the gifts and surprises you had in store for me. My life will never be the same.

I crossed your threshold in Boston with a high-paying job and an unquiet soul, and slipped out of your embrace barely employed, living semi-legally in Montreal more sure of what in life than I have ever been. Thank you for giving me the courage to change, even when it became almost unbearably difficult.

2008, you brought me so many gifts, I don't even know where to begin. I cannot possibly recognize all of them (indeed, I am sure many will not become apparent until some day far, far into the future), but I would like to acknowledge a few. Thank you, thank you for bringing me:

a deeper understanding of my love of baking/cooking.
the ability to take a break from a career path that did not inspire me
the gift of working with the lovely women and children of Maison Bleue
the adventure of moving to a new city with a new language
the opportunity of being with the person I love.
a dojo where I feel welcome, inspired, creative, nurtured.
the spark to light my photography fire, and the determination to learn how to take better pictures.
a lovely vacation over the summer to spend time with my friends, family and myself.
an incredible market near my house where I am extremely lucky to buy local produce year-round
some amazing new friends
the opportunity to bake semi-professionally and to learn and grow both in my baking skills and in my business-development skills.
a closer relationship with my girlfriends back home.
an amazing apartment with a shower-sauna, an awesome kitchen and a skunk living under our shed.
a deeper understanding of and compassion for old friends
my first gig taking photos professionally.
my first winter in Montreal
a more complete ownership of my life.
a reality check on how easy (not easy) it is to get a job in biotech in Montreal.
a return of my feminine side
a new love for (addiction to) coffee
an appreciation for the limitations of my body, especially in Aikido.
more time to read.
an appreciation for a great baguette
community.
a food blog addiction.
a return to eating meat and being okay with it.
a love and respect for quebecois culture.
a diminished need to know what is in store for the future.
my first speeding ticket and my first car accident (when I don't even own a car anymore).
the empowerment of knowing that I CAN do things that are scary (like moving illegally to a country where I don't speak the language and don't have a job).
the ability to say yes more than I said no.

What would I like for you, 2009?

to keep saying yes.
to make enough money to survive doing things that fulfill me, like baking and photography.
to remember to breathe when I freak out, and to remember that I am happy just where I am.
to test for first kyu.
to be able to stay in Montreal until I am ready to leave
to continue to become a better photographer.
to become better at expressing gratitude
to be less judgmental
to stop putting myself down or feeling bad for the way that I am.
to learn how to decorate cakes.
to not take things so personally when I receive criticism.
to go camping!
to practice yoga more regularly to keep my body healthy and moving.
to live more fully in this new city, to explore
to not seek recognition or validation for the things that I do. From anybody.
to become a kick-ass baker.
to live a magical life.

Is that too much to ask?

Snaps from San Francisco.

2009-01-10T22:52:00.002-05:00

Love.

2008-12-31T19:12:00.000-05:00

Snowshoeing.

2008-12-31T19:01:00.002-05:00

My Friend Zach is Blind...

2008-12-31T18:56:00.002-05:00

...And he took all of these photos. He is amazing.

Tea and Dominoes

2008-12-31T18:48:00.003-05:00

Random Pictures from my Bizarre Christmas

2008-12-26T16:08:00.002-05:00

A fresh start:

We De-ice.

2008-12-23T10:46:00.001-05:00

A snowflake on my window, Pierre Elliot Trudeau Airport, Montreal, QC

2008-12-23T10:44:00.000-05:00

The Desert of Tea.

2008-12-18T23:19:00.001-05:00

Do not lament that empty cup. Rather, celebrate that it may now become full.

This is how we bowl.

2008-12-13T03:44:00.002-05:00

Some more of Gabe's Pictures that I am going to Poach.

2008-11-30T23:56:00.003-05:00

...

Because they were lovely and I didn't have any of my own.

Chestnuts (for wild mushroom, rice and chestnut soup):

And my lovely Rosie (sleeping in the clothes this time instead of the shoes), on a really long, 30 second exposure. She moved, but not really that much:

What I choose to show

2008-11-30T23:47:00.004-05:00

...

What I choose to show
does not equal me, only
What I choose to show.

Thanks to Gabe for the lovely picture...so surreal. Yes, that is me behind the glass...

Eggnog (er, Soynog) Cupcakes

2008-11-30T22:34:00.001-05:00

...

The Room in the Universe.

2008-11-28T23:00:00.001-05:00

081126, originally uploaded by Erica the Ninja.

I once had a dream I was standing in a room in the universe, a space only defined by the slight distortion of light coming from the stars around the edges. Across the room from me stood a fish, his front fins crossed over his chest as he leaned on the wall for support.

"You humans," he says, "you think you have it all right, but you don't. We have always been far more intelligent than you, we know things that you couldn't even imagine." And with that, it all faded away.

I sometimes wonder how sad it must be to be a fish in a bowl, to have a home so small it lost its excitement in the first minute of habitation. To swim back and forth, over and over, pooping in your own drinking water, eating in your own pooping water. Sometimes I feel, though, that we just fool ourselves into thinking that we do not live in bowls, that we have infinite resources and playgrounds to play on and that we are much better off than they.

A treat for you...

2008-11-27T00:17:00.004-05:00

This was taken about a year ago, but Gabe showed it to me again the other day in reverse and I was just so intrigued that I thought I would share. This is a video of Gabe, Laurent and me messing around at Aikido, slowed down and played in reverse. While my form is not the best, it is interesting to see the exchange between the two connected people, flowing so much that it is often times hard to discern who is doing the throwing and who is being thrown.

Look What I Found Tonight...

2008-11-24T23:03:00.002-05:00

...

...It is hard to be upset that it is way, WAY too early for this when it looks this beautiful. Yes, my friends, I give you the first real snow of the season.

Sugar Free (or is it high?)

2008-11-19T19:51:00.005-05:00

So the pear tart is long gone, seeing how my last post was over a month ago. Apple cake? Check. Peanut butter-stuffed chocolate cookies? Check. Marshmallows? Check (both with and without a toasted coconut coat). Pumpkin Spice cupcakes with cinnamon frosting? Check. As are rosemary and parmesan biscotti (which I made sweet instead of savory), peanut butter crispy bars, cafe au lait cupcakes, masala chai hot chocolate mix, chai-spice chocolate cupcakes, pumpkin pie-esque oatmeal, and? I can't even remember anymore. There has been a lot of sugar running through ~~my veins~~ this household and I have had to tap into my competitive instincts to try to keep from speeding head-first into diabetic shock. I have offered myself a challenge.

No sugar for the rest of the month.

Except, you know, when a friend calls the day after to invite us over for home-made coffee cheesecake. Or when two friends are coming from out of town and I HAVE to bake cookies (in addition to buying that stupid plumb and frangipan tart I have been eyeballing for months now). Or, you know, when I have to bake this thing for my friend's birthday this weekend. Except for that, no sugar. (Oh yeah, and the random spoonful of sweet stuff that keeps making it into my morning cafe au lait or tea because I keep forgetting that I am off of sugar). Does it sound like somebody has a problem?

*Sigh. Okay. So maybe it isn't a PROBLEM per se. I see it more as a SIDE EFFECT of my great love of baking, of working for a cafe and of loving to make people smile. You know, just something that I am going to have to take for the team. That really isn't a problem, is it? (Oh shit...I just remebered what STEP 1 is. Damn. Maybe I DO have a problem).

Pears.

2008-10-11T18:34:00.002-04:00

...

It is a lovely thing when you get a phone call from a friend asking you to go apple/pear picking in the middle of the fall. It is even more beautiful when, after you had to decline the offer, the friend shows up with a HUGE bag full of pears anyway. What else to do but make a pear tart?

It. Was. Amazing. And you can find it here. Though, if you are going to make it, please be wary of the fact that there is a little THREE HOUR cooling time here, half and hour there, a pre-bake of 30 minutes, and an actual baking time of 55 minutes. This sucker isn't fast food by any means, but it is SO WORTH IT.

**And, if you want to poach your pears in Verbena, vanilla, maple and lemon juice like I did, no one is going to stop you.

Cute, aren't they?

2008-10-06T17:14:00.002-04:00

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My new obsession. I am now on batch #4 (all made within the last 24 hours).

Me.

2008-10-06T17:13:00.002-04:00

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Playing around with photo processing. I like the way this one turned out.

If Only I Could be Unemployed Forever.

2008-10-04T21:54:00.002-04:00

I have been super busy lately and I wish that I could keep this unemployment thing going on into infinity. I have been baking for a little coffee shop for about three weeks now, and evidently, people LOVE vegan lemon cupcakes...they sold out in one day. I have made white chocolate oatmeal cookies, peanut butter cookies, blueberry maple coffee cake, carrot cupcakes, chocolate chip power cookies, rockin' vegan brownies, home-made pecan caramel cinnamon rolls, fritatta, and? I can't even remember now. We want to start having tea and scones on the menu every Saturday morning, and home-made marshmallows for hot chocolate (or just eating out of hand, they are that good). I have more ideas than I can keep up with, and I have serious concern that my sugar intake has been in the "danger" zone lately. But, we must keep the crowds happy.

There is this awesome guy at the coffee shop who as a band here in Montreal (the guy told me he played a gig in Boston once with Odetta). He is so into my baking that he went home and found this old family recipe for (evidently) the most fabulous cake ever, and wrote the whole thing out for me by hand so that I could make it for him. Did I mention that he spends the entire day at the coffee shop downing coffee, reading everyone's horror scope (that was not a typo) and eating oatmeal cookies by the fistful? I love this place.

I seriously keep pinching myself...my life is too awesome right now. I cannot believe how happy I am in Montreal. It has been a long time since my life has felt this rich and fufilling. I have spent at least 6 weekends in a row at home. I can't remember the last time that happened. And I'm busy!! On top of testing recipes and doing the actual baking for the cafe, I am cooking for a friend who just recently had a baby, looking into getting into school, training aikido every day, getting ready to volunteer for a women's birth clinic and then this...I was approached by a new friend at the cafe to take some pictures of his sculpture work (so that he could submit the photos to a committee to see if he can get into a metalworking art show in Toronto). I spent half a day over there photographing a few pieces and he said he needs help documenting all of his (literally) thousands of pieces. I am not a real photographer, by any means, but I was immensly pleased with the way the pictures turned out, and I think he was too.

Somebody pinch me please...is this my life?? Scientist turned cookie baker and amateur photographer, learning french and drinking coffee in one of the most awesome cities on the planet? Ack. I can't jinx this. I just need to ride it as long as I can. And, by the way, any suggestions for things to bake for the cafe? I have a TON of ideas, but fresh perspective is always welcome.

Launch.

2008-09-23T17:51:00.002-04:00

...

First set of baked goods delivered (chocolate chip power cookies and carrot cupcakes).

Cinnamon rolls and fritatta in the queue for Saurday.

Up next:

Pumpkin oatmeal cookies, blueberry coffee cake, brown sugar cupcakes with spicy frosting, mini-cranberry/caramel/almond tarts, coconut cupcakes, baked french toast, hostess cupcakes, mini pumpkin cheesecakes, scones, brownies, pear polenta cake, jam tarts and...

Ack. My mind is racing with the possibilities. I am officially a baker, folks. Scary.

Exciting News???

2008-09-20T17:55:00.002-04:00

...

The place pictured above, which shall remain nameless has informed me that they need people to bake goods for them. I just so happen to be a goods baker (and a good baker) and I informed them of such and we have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow to talk about such baking goodness. Also on the agenda is talk about a (potential) job offering making food and serving coffee. Now THAT sounds like more fun than running scientific assays.

Sometimes Things are Not Black and White...

2008-09-20T17:54:00.000-04:00

...

Sometimes they are black, white, and gray.

Self Portrait.

2008-09-20T17:52:00.002-04:00

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In Patrick's studio. Mirror illusion.

Uvas.

2008-09-20T17:52:00.001-04:00

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From a walk that I took yesterday.

Hello Sun.

2008-09-19T13:19:00.003-04:00

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I will miss you soon.

I'm entering my third month of being unemployed and fighting off some feelings that I am a lazy, no good leach who has nothing better to do than sleep in every morning and spend too many hours per day reading food blogs. Which is only half of the truth, I guess. I have been making tons of food (Boston Cream Pie for Gabe's birthday, Hazelnut Brown Butter cake for Patrick's, Hazelnut chocolate chip cookies, Nikki's "healthy" cookies, plenty of soup and polenta and things), I started a yoga class this week, called about volunteering at a women's health clinic (which was terrifying for me with my non-existent French skills), did like 5 loads of laundry, swept the floor every day, trained Aikido every day, wrote some letters, read some (real) books, spent some time doing my "teach yourself french" exercises and got going on starting the Montreal Dinner Party (email me if you like food and want to join)...

You see, I am not really being a slug, but why does it feel so dirty to me? I have never had a period of time where I wasn't in school or didn't have a clear plan of action for obtaining a new job, so this just feels a little new. Don't get me wrong, it isn't bad, but I constantly have that little voice in the back of my head telling me "You suck. Get a job, loser." Seriously, voice. Get a life. I want to enjoy this time while I have it.

That being said, I did have an interview on Monday at Concordia University, and I am pretty sure they are going to hire me, but I am not sure if I want to take the position. I am considering going back to school next fall, and the job is an HOUR each way from where I live. I don't know about you, but commuting for two hours every day just seems unacceptable. Besides, I am not happy being a scientist anymore and I am finding it difficult to keep pretending. Money-wise I am okay...I could easily live for a year off of my unemployment/savings (if I can manage to collect all of it), which I don't think is wrong, but again that voice starts nudging in..."Loser!"

So this is my dilemma. Any insights?

A tangle of something in my backyard.

2008-09-19T13:17:00.001-04:00

...

Twins.

2008-09-19T13:16:00.001-04:00

More Montreal Graffitti

2008-09-19T13:13:00.001-04:00

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It is beautiful here.

Stillness.

2008-09-19T13:11:00.001-04:00

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Notice how everything moves around him, but his center is still. I would like to be that way.

These Pickles are AWESOME.

2008-09-09T16:51:00.004-04:00

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And I made them! This is actually my second batch because (cough) we ate the first one in one sitting. Oh yum yum yum. These are from Fresh Everyday: More Great Recipes from Foster's Market by Sara Foster.

(By the way, does anyone know what the deal with posting recipes from someone else's cookbook? Do I have to get permission first, or can I just post it with a reference? I really want to share what I cook with you but don't want to be stepping on any feet either. Please advise).

(UPDATE: I did some research and found this post to be helpful. Please do not read it, though, if you want to feel good.)

(UPDATE number two: This is virtually the same recipe as the one I used. I did slice the first batch into rounds, but wanted to try making spears the second time around. The rounds were better, fyi)

Yawn. (oops!)

2008-09-09T16:31:00.002-04:00

...

Looks like I am back on the wagon, at least for now. Four pictures posted today? That is absurd. I just needed a little cajoling to get my photo mojo back (thanks Gabe and Keren).

Miles is not snarling at me but taking a big, toothsome yawn as I was snapping his picture earlier today. I am beginning to feel like a kitty being unemployed...sleeping in late, lazy breakfast, a nap or two throughout the day...now I have absolutely no excuse to get pictures taken! This time is truly a gift.

I guess since I haven't posted any updates for a while, some information is due. Montreal is fantastic. It really, really feels great to be rooted in one place for the time being instead of spreading myself out between two cities. Our house is awesome, and I have been doing a bunch of cooking (and some serious baking lined up for this week). The Marche Jean Talon is only a few short blocks from our place, and I can't tell you how luxurious it is to skip on over whenever the mood strikes me (usually 3 or 4 times a week) and feast my eyes and hands on plumbs, cucumbers, tomatoes, kohlrabi, fresh herbs, mushrooms, honey, eggs...sigh. I could get used to this. Sadly, I need to curb my food habit just a little so that I don't break the bank and have to leave Canada in a tearful fit of embarassment. Just a little, though. I really don't mind food being the largest expense of my household.

I do need to get my butt in gear on a couple of other fronts, though. I would like to get into some sort of French class while I have the time (if I can find one that doesn't cost a month's salary to join). I also am thinking about going back to school next fall and need to get some volunteer experience in (and, ick, get some recommendations written...it feels like torture to call up old professors four years after I have graduated and ask them to spend their valuable time writing nice things about me. ARRRG). Yoga and swimming outlets need to be found soon and, of course, I need to keep taking more pictures. Sigh. There is lots to do when one has the time to do it. Oh yeah, and did I mention that I am training every day? (:

Industrial

2008-09-09T12:52:00.001-04:00

...

Unquestionably Fall.

2008-09-09T12:31:00.003-04:00

...

...

We slept under the down blanket last night. I wore a sweater while drinking my coffee this morning and had to put on socks for the first time since god-knows-when. I am craving potato soup with lots of cheese, hot chocolates, casseroles and warm cake. Good thing I plan on baking 3 (yes, that is three) cakes this week. Too many birthdays, too little time. Yup. It is definitely fall.

Photowaza.

2008-09-04T15:00:00.002-04:00

I guess it was a little ambitious of me to try to take pictures every day for an entire year. I can't even manage to brush my teeth every day, let alone capture with my lens something cool. So, yes, there haven't been many pictures here as of late because I really haven't been taking many. I'm not going to cry about it or anything, just try to get myself back on track and keep on clicking away. So, hopefully over the next couple of weeks, you will have something cool to look at on a semi-regular basis. Until then, here are a few photos from the past few weeks.

Revere Beach.

2008-08-22T20:30:00.001-04:00

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The lobster rolls were divine, the sand cool and the ice cream melty. Wonderful.

Miles

2008-08-22T20:28:00.000-04:00

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Take 3.

Play.

2008-08-22T18:31:00.000-04:00

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My second (and favorite) diptych so far.

My First Diptych (REDyellow)

2008-08-19T15:22:00.002-04:00

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So I am in love with the diptych. This is my first attempt and I am super happy with the results. I love how the red/yellow/building theme binds the two photos together (not to mention that they look like one building when posted together), yet the photos contrast in really neat ways (vertical vs. horizontal lines, muted vs. vibrant colors, etc.). *Sigh. I heart diptychs. And I heart these girls, and this one.

Glam Moss.

2008-08-19T13:50:00.001-04:00

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Playing with GIMP plug-ins can sometimes get out of hand...

Kind of empty and sad.

2008-08-16T18:51:00.001-04:00

My glass is ready to be filled.

Nature, part II.

2008-08-16T18:50:00.000-04:00

Nature outside my door.

2008-08-16T18:48:00.000-04:00

Mementos.

2008-08-16T18:47:00.001-04:00

Last real ride back to boston. It rained.

2008-08-16T18:36:00.002-04:00

Napwaza.

2008-08-09T21:53:00.001-04:00

Ottawa, yo.

2008-08-09T21:49:00.002-04:00

It rained all day, but was super fun.

She's a woman!!!!

St. Joseph's Oratory

2008-08-09T21:48:00.000-04:00

More toxic than the aurora borealis.

2008-08-03T23:18:00.002-04:00

These adorn our makeshift bookcase.

2008-08-03T23:18:00.001-04:00

Suprise Inside.

2008-08-03T23:16:00.001-04:00

Apricots
Hazelnuts
Pistachios
Cranberries
Muesli
yum.

Whats for Dinner?

2008-08-03T23:14:00.002-04:00

Fava bean pasta. I've never used these fresh before. Phew. Lots of work, but worth the effort.

This is so very Montreal.

2008-08-03T23:13:00.000-04:00

Alley Twister.

2008-08-03T23:12:00.000-04:00

Quebec City. (Is so awesome)

2008-08-02T22:49:00.002-04:00

Maybe She Doesn't See Me.

2008-08-02T22:48:00.001-04:00

Walking Home.

2008-08-02T22:45:00.000-04:00

Random Wikipedia Concept of the Day: Bidet

2008-08-02T22:31:00.003-04:00

Why? Because we have one in our bathroom and it has been kind of intriguing us/grossing us out at the same time. How are you supposed to use that thing? I am definitely one of the ones who was raised with the conception that they are totally nasty. I mean, a butt washing station? (Oh, excuse me, a butt and genital washing station?). Gross. Ick. Especially since people seem to think that they are also great for foot washing. Gag.

Okay. I totally understand that I am backwards to think that, um, wiping up a mess with paper is better than say, wiping up the mess and then washing the affected area, so to speak, its just that I grew up in a culture where toilets are totally full of germs. A bidet is not a toilet, but it looks like a toilet (or a urinal, to be more precise), and also has butt germs washed all over it. Not any place where I want to be submerging my nether-region.

Maybe one of these days I will work up the courage to use it, but for now it is going to remain unused, staring me in the face every single time I go in the bathroom. Thanks, Wikipedia, for reminding me that sometimes I really don't want to know everything about everything.

Pictures coming soon.

2008-07-29T15:34:00.002-04:00

I do have some pictures to post, but as of now, 3 weeks into our new apartment arrangement, we still have no internet (except a janky connection from across the street). They soon will come. In the meantime, I thought I would give a Montreal update.

For the past week and a half, G.'s friend from San Diego has been staying with us, going on ridiculous adventures, eating too much food with us (though, I am sad to say, he nearly starved at our table on account of my vegetarian cookery and his aversion to all things resembling produce), training Aikido, and generally having a good time.

Sunday we went to Quebec city. Wow. I can't even describe how incredible that place is. Who knew that this existed in North America? Seriously. If you want to travel to Europe, but are wary of the *ahem* wimpiness of the American dollar, come here. I promise, it will be much cheaper and you WON'T be disappointed. We even have a spare room.

Now is a good time to come...this summer marks the 400th anniversary of the founding of Quebec, and they are partying it up up there. Fun. The whole town is decked out in colors, events, music, exhibits, etc. We saw an eco-gardening exhibit. Dance competition. Farmer's market. An outdoor interactive play. A clown singing opera. The changing of the guard at their citadel. Pictures to follow.

Not Happy About This.

2008-07-21T13:59:00.001-04:00

Vieux Port and Home Again.

2008-07-21T13:56:00.000-04:00

What's for Dessert?

2008-07-21T13:55:00.001-04:00

Strawberry Rhubarb pie, made with rhubarb from the back yard.

Our New Apartment.

2008-07-21T13:52:00.001-04:00

It has a spare bedroom, if you want to come and visit. You are always welcome.

En Fuego, in Two Acts.

2008-07-21T13:51:00.001-04:00

Whats for Dinner?

2008-07-16T16:47:00.001-04:00

Polenta with white beans and red sauce. No Blue cheese, though.

And Gabe chowed down...

We Paid $13 to Watch a Movie Today.

2008-07-16T16:46:00.001-04:00

Won't be doing that again any time soon. Ouch.

Homeboy himself.

2008-07-16T16:45:00.002-04:00

Doing what he does best.

Rubber Pride.

2008-07-13T13:30:00.001-04:00

rubberpride, originally uploaded by Erica the Ninja.

Funny when taken out of context...

Not homeless.

2008-07-13T13:09:00.004-04:00

I'm wagging my tail today, big time, Labrador style. We found an apartment, not two days after my return to Montreal. A friend of a friend is spending the next year or more with his wife and soon to be baby in Italy and needed someone to live in his (incredible) apartment. Cheap. Furnished (which I would normally shy away from, but do we really need to buy stuff right now? No.). We (gabe + me + the kitties + our one backpack full of possesions) move in tomorrow. Damn. Life is weird, no?

Now we just have the problem of the Boston apartment...I obviously can't keep everything that I have, and I can't take everything I would like to keep. I have some serious culling of shit to do. Does anyone want to come over for some beers/box packing sometime like around the second week of August?

Walking to the dojo.

2008-07-12T22:06:00.001-04:00

Its a colorful affair.

Goodbye Reno.

2008-07-11T20:29:00.001-04:00

It is never easy for me to say goodbye. Even when you reek of smoke.

odid eeffoc .oc

2008-07-11T20:23:00.002-04:00

...or bibo coffee co. if you are on the outside of the window.